Monday, March 29, 2010

The Failure Four - March Madness Whedonverse Character Tourney: The Worst of the Lot

I was going to say "The Fearsome Four" but, at this point, it's best not to kid ourselves.  These final four contestants represent the absolute bottom of the class, like telemarketing knock-off Snuggies to the elderly kind of bad.  Before we can yell at them for calling us during dinner, though, we need to bid a fond adieu to the four who only barely escaped by the skin of their fictional teeth.

Senator Helen Bruckner -  I never thought she was so bad.  I mean... it's not like she's (insert Sarah Palin or Hillary Clinton depending upon your party affiliation here) or something!  Am I right?
Gwendolyn Post - You knocked out Giles.  Congratulations on accomplishing something that happens like every third episode, lady.
Rack - Just a general note: telling a girl she tastes like strawberries makes you super gross master 5000.  Also?  Your name means "boobies".
Numero Cinco - I've got a soft spot for the Number Brothers, myself.  Why Numero Cinco got treated like a steaming pile of numero dos, I'll never understand.  Adios, mi amigo.

This poll will end in 48 hrs this time - March 30th at 11:59 pm Eastern Standard Time. Check out the opponents below and if you're playing, make sure to click the name you DISLIKE.
Click here to view the full Tournament Bracket, updated with the winners so far.


Now onto the Fail Four. It's a Celine Dion fan, roommate from a super lame hell dimension vs. a robot-making, murdering, date rapist and a really bad one-night stand vs. a prophecized child from two vampires who has a bit of a lady's haircut.  Begin!


mbatz said...

YOU R KILLING ME!!! I really need to sleep on Parker Connor...They are my 1 and 2. fds;gkjsdkj; (that's my head spinning). Why is superfun still around? All she wanted to do was get some college:)

Tara said...

First off, this post is hilarious.

Second, I too am having trubbs with the whole Parker vs. Connor thing. On the one hand, Connor wasn't so at fault. The poor thing never had a mom and his dad was ripped away from him by a psychopath before he could speak. Of course he wouldn't be right in the brain. On the other hand, Parker might be a pig and a total college douche, but he never tried to blow up a whole bunch of people or succeed in banging his surrogate mom who his dad had the hots for (well, that we know of, anyway.) I mean really, who does that? Tough call.

Anonymous said...

Cordelia was seducing Connor wasn't she? Becuase of the whole PTB thing... So he wasn't entirely at fault... Was he?
Parker on the other hand is was a college douche he broke Buffy's fragile heart and probably many others so am I right to name him the enemy to womankind? :D

mbatz said...

Okay, I'm done. Warren was easy to vote for - as I've said before I kind of liked Kathy (her nails keep growing, that's well sick and disgusting but she likes the divas - okay I hate Celine and Cher..I'll stop now...she's superfun and Warren's a super douchebag) and I can relate to the roomate from hell metaphor from my college days. And the tough one..I went with the I'm so sensitive and tragically hip Parker - now let's bang and don't call me. Ugh remember when he introduced Buff to his next conquest "yeah she's really cool, you'd like her a bunch" And the "didn't you have fun? Careful how you answer that. I'm sensitive" What a crumb. And Connor did come through in the end.

Tara said...

I voted for Warren and Parker as well. Connor got a sucky hand in life and Parker is just sucky.

Michelle said...

Oops! Tara was signed in from this weekend. Those comments above were from me, Michelle.

Anonymous said...

Wow I'm just saying this cuze clearly no one is voicing an opposing side. Parker is the lowest of all low lifes and should rot in hell. (This is coming from a chick who's never been on a date, so yeah if I sleep with a dude I don't want him flushing me down a toilet afterwads. That to me is one of the evilest things a dude can do to a girl.) So why all the Connor hate? He screwed up sure but it's not like he was evil on purpose. He was lost and confused and manipulated and had a lack of positve role models/environment growing up. All he needed was love and guidence. Parker needs a swift kick in the arse.