Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Live Bloggin' Suburban Girl Part 2

Here again, here again, jiggity jig. Welcome to part two of the agonizingly awful Suburban Girl. Here's another whole ten minutes of torturetainment for your snarking... pleasure?

As usual, click on "Continue Reading" to view my commentary once you're done watching. Weigh in here, folks. Should I continue this series? Thus far only Sarah and thegift have commented (thanks, ladies!). I'd like to escape the vacuum of interweb space and find out whether anyone else is enjoying this. What say ye? Shall I continue, yay or nay? Post in the comments please or for sure I will totally like die or something... totally! To death! Onto the commentary...

Continue Reading...

- Ironically, the giant Bunny was played by Emma Caulfield. You get it? You see what I did there? Because Anya was afraid of... yeah... yeah. You know it's a free show, folks.

- They're in a sweets shop presumably to establish that Alec Baldwin is diabetic. Instead we've established that Alec Baldwin looks like a giant pedophile when next to Smidge.

- Dear Alec Baldwin: You *are* the suckling pig and I want to punt you across the room.

- Chris Hanson wrote a book, too. Perhaps you've heard of it? It's called "To Catch a Predator"!

- Your aunt's parties were legendary... as was her vaginal canal. Seriously, thing is like the length of a football field.

- A boyfriend, says you? How much money do you wager he's a complete tool box?

- In what way does gesturing in some random direction signify 'Europe'?

- Hello, office stereotype! In fairness, I have met many a douche nozzle dude who does push ups at the office. Dude. We got it. You are not so well endowed. They're called sex toys and women the world over love them.

- Why is Smidge checking Eurotrash's pantsless ass out? And why is she kind of half smirking at it in approval? I thought she only goes in for pudgy, diabetics... or Freddie Prinze Jr. Which one of those do you think is worse?

- Eurotrash speaks french. This is suppoed to make her even more eurotrashy and annoying. I like her though. I like her specifically because this movie wants me not to. I'm a spiteful bitch that way.

- Did Metrovestual just accuse Smidge of sleeping to the top and the other girl of being ugly and incapable of sleeping to the top? Can this movie be any more misogynistic?

- It would be sweet that she called her dad for moral support if it weren't completely evident that the motif of this film is "Are you a girl? You better depend upon older men because you can't possibly do anything by yourself without becoming a slutty, pantsless, eurotrash whore in the process!"

- And once again Alec Baldwin is telling Smidge what to do. Guess what? She finds it romantic. Please, kill me now...

- A department store where women are actually *fighting* over clothes. I stab at thee, movie. Stabbity, stabbity, stab, stab, STAB!

- Oh my god she bought a new outfit for the date! Are you fucking kidding me? And it involves leather pants! Wait. Don't tell me. I got it! He has a Buffy fetish!

- Oh wait, no. She switched to jeans. I don't know whether to be relieved or annoyed. I was kind of hoping that she'd show up to his apartment and stab him in the heart with a wooden stake.

- Holy shit, indeed. Emphasis on the shit.


Unknown said...

Please do continue with these!, but here's my suggestion: do it MST 3000 style by doing a voice over on the videos with all your comments in their snarky goodness, laid over the top. Perhaps also use the shadow of a Spike muppet in the foreground and speak in a fake cockney accent? Too much? Nah! :-)

Erica said...

This is a fab analysis! Definite emphasis on the shit in the movie. She should've kep the leather pants, I mean, come on now Buffy! ha ha. Baldwin is a creeper in this movie, and the candy store? One of the worst parts of the movie.